that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
