ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
