I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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