You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
