Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
