There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
