your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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