my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
