We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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