Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
