Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
