He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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