so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
