You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
