he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize