You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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