mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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