The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
