I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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