i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
