He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I want is dick and wine.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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