Sober January is a disaster.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
