I'm drive I can fine osifer
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
