yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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