i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
