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Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
