My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
