Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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