Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
