at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
