i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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