i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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