If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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