the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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