the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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