your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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