Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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