The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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