I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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