They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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