i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
its liver damage thursday
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
