I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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