The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
