I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
