Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
