If i come over, it means nothing
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
