I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
