i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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