2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
