did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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