So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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