i just sent this text using only my big toe
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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