so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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