Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
