I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
