my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
