If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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