My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
