Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
