I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
