the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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