He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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