So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
