Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He uses pillows to masturbate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
