Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.