Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.