I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep