i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just pee around me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
