Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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