Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear