it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.