Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.