I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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