I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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